The Lost Realm

Once, what feels like so many years ago, my life seemed to be a very clear place. I knew who I was, where I was, and where I was going.

The funny thing is, I was wrong. So very, very wrong. I didn’t really know who I was. I didn’t see my reality for what it was and what it meant to me. I certainly didn’t end up where I thought I was going.

Over the years, I’ve realised that we don’t know much about anything. Life takes us on this wonderful journey, and we shouldn’t waste so much of it pretending that we understand. The highs and the lows, the excitement and the boring bits: none of it is expected. If we knew where we were now, would we pay any attention to it? If we really knew what was going to happen tomorrow, what purpose would we have to see the day through?

This evening, after taking Romilly out to dinner at the finest of eating establishments, Hungry Jacks, I was invited back to Debs’ place by Romilly to have dessert. Despite the fact that I was sort of crashing a party, she had made the dessert, and really wanted me to have some. Romilly has a talent for getting her way, and I have a talent for getting sugar. We really should team up more often.

Romilly’s dessert: Jelly bean flavoured jelly (what other flavour would you expect?) and “Waspberry Nipple” icecream.

Luckily, dessert was peculiar by name only and contained neither jelly beans nor nipples.

Last night I stayed up until 3am to help Kurt finish off an entry for 1W1B2, the competition that gives you one week to write one game that uses only one button. We sort of anti-cheated, and only gave ourselves one day.

So, without further ado, may I present our masterpiece:

Nano Sucker

Update: Now updated to work under Windows XP. Lucky you.

Looking through the online dating sites (lookout people — it’s a lonely single guy!) I have noticed a common demand for “no mind games”. Apparently, some women have a problem with guys who play games that involve thinking. Does this mean no chess? Do they really only like guys that play games that don’t involve their minds?

Alas, I play games. Lots of them. I mean, I’ve always been a fan of RTS and FPS games, but now I’ve moved on to the hard stuff.

Nintendogs.

That’s right, not only have I gone and bought a hand-held console, but I’m playing a game that requires that I pet it, talk to it, blow air at it, and generally make a fool of myself on a regular basis.

But — and here’s the clever part — it really is fun. The Nintendo DS (and the as-yet-to-be-released) Nintendo Revolution are returning much of gaming to its roots. Fun games that allow you to connect with whatever world it is that you’re playing in.

For too long now, game designers have mistaken gloriously rendered 3D graphics for real immersion. You can make a game look and sound and move as realistically as you like, but if you’re stuck behind a tired interface, you’re still poking at a screen with a mouse.

Nintendogs certainly makes the most of the Nintendo DS’ technology. Training your puppy requires you to voice commands, while petting it with the touch screen. You play ball and frisbee with it. You brush it. You shampoo it. You play with a bubble blower that requires you to actually blow at the screen to make the bubbles come out.

It is a very natural way to interact with the game, and it makes it so much more realistic to play. Romilly picked up the interface for playing ball in about 2 seconds, and spent a little while playing ball with my virtual pug, Budd. Later, while we were out shopping, she enquired what Budd might be doing now. Even later, she seemed concerned that he was inside the “little computer” and might want to play again. Romilly was instantly immersed in the game. Budd reacted when she called (screamed at top volume) his name, and obviously enjoyed being petted.

It’s games like this that have recaptured my imagination. They’re not tired reflex tests; they’re actual games. They’re fun.

Yesterday on the radio, I heard about a modern style of dance known as Krumping. Immediately, I realised that these young individuals were being misled by a great evil. “Krumping” or, as it should be spelled, Crumping is obviously some form of Crump worship.

You’ve never heard of a Crump? Romilly once again comes to the rescue of we, the uninformed. You see, she has first-hand experience with Crumps. There was one in her bedroom at 3am a month or so ago.

Here is what a Crump looks like:

Please note the horrible, staring eyes, and the many hundreds of legs.

If I saw one of those in my bedroom, I certainly wouldn’t feel like dancing.

My toaster broke my computer. Well, it probably didn’t do it on purpose (toasters just aren’t like that), but it did break it. For a little while.

It seems that my toaster is toasted. Attempting to use the toaster (in a perfectly normal, breakfast-making sort of manner) causes my RCD to trip. This causes my entire house to lose power quite suddenly.

It seems that my computer requires power. Who would have thought? Less obvious is that a sudden loss of power (say, due to a toaster-phobic RCD cutting power to the house) can spontaneously clear the CMOS, resetting the BIOS to its original settings.

It seems that the original settings are to use the PCI graphics card, rather than the AGP card. This results in the monitor, plugged in to the AGP card, not getting anything very useful to display. Having no plugged in monitor also makes things beep a lot. Things look and sound really broken.

It seems that my brain is unable to quickly solve these sorts of problems, particularly when my breakfast has been so rudely interrupted, leaving me in a hot-tea-and-buttered-muffins deprived state. It also would have helped if I’d remembered that there was a PCI graphics card in there.

It seems I’m off to get a new toaster.