At first, it was complete confusion; I had no idea where I was or where I was going. Then, after a little while, it became obvious that I was waging a war with reality. What was going on in my head didn’t match what was going on outside of it.

Reality won. It has a nasty habit of doing that.

Once I had come to my senses and accepted that things were the way they were, everything seemed okay for a while. Now, though, I’m not so sure. I seem to be in the middle of another war, but this one is a civil war. There are two parts of me: one that accepts everything and wants to move on, and one that doesn’t want to behave in a rational, sensible or logical manner. I’m stuck with two selves, and they don’t want to agree on anything.

While my rational self is more like my normal mode of behaviour, and has logic, reality, and plain old common sense on its side, my irrational self has loneliness. Loneliness is a powerful force, and not one that I have ever been able to control to my liking.

I’m sure there are some psychologists out there that would have plenty to say about my messed up little head about now. Believe me, fellow fans of the human condition, I do know that having two selves isn’t the sign of a happy and healthy mind.

Perhaps I should work on a third.