Things to do that are better than moping about all weekend, just because your wife left you:

• Be surprised when your brother arrives at your doorstep on Friday afternoon.
• Enjoy the company of your brother and a friend, eat pizza, and talk until nearly 2am.
• Try to sleep.
• Stare out the window until someone else wakes up.
• Go shopping, as you have no food (other than left-over pizza).
• Watch Alien III Special Edition
• Complain that Alien III Special Edition has really bad sound.
• Sweep, mop and vacuum.
• Consider rearranging the furniture, even though you probably won’t have most of it for much longer.
• Stare at the TV, just to prove that there’s really nothing worth watching.
• Try to sleep again.
• Go for a bike ride to time how long it takes to get to the train station.
• Clean the oven.
• Stare at the computer a lot.
• Clean out the fridge.
• Rewash most of the dishes, just because you’re not sure that they’re clean enough.
• Water the plants so often that the chillies are still sitting in a puddle the next morning.
• Plan to make pasta, only to realise at the last minute that you don’t have a proper pot anymore.
• Sit around hoping that you’ll get another call from your daughter and try not to take it personally when she doesn’t want to talk to you.